Funnies!

You just can't make this stuff up!  Life is stranger than fiction.  Enjoy!

I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 
I said "May I have large bills, please."

 She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
 When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we

were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service department and found a mechanic working  feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  'Hey,' I announced to the technician,  ‘it's open!'  His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

 This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS




We had to have the garage door repaired. 
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a  1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'   We haven't used Sears repair since.

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local  township administrative office To request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for  them to be crossing anymore.

 My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' 
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce. 
 -- From Kansas City      


 

 

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To  which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

 Happened in Birmingham, Ala.  


 

 

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.  I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' 
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

     

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

How would you pronounce this child's name? 
"Le-a"


Leah??--NO


Lee - A??--NO 


Lay - a??--NO 


Lei??--Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.

Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.

It's pronounced "Ledasha".

When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said,

"the dash don't be silent."  SO, if you see something come across your desk like this, please remember to pronounce the dash.

If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

             

BEWARE: 
They walk among us......and they VOTE